Hindsight
by turtlesparadise
Summary: Post-game AU setting; Edea and Cid reopen the orphanage and take in more orphaned children following the second sorceress war. While Cid serves as a part-time adjunct SeeD instructor back at Balamb Garden, Edea has time to reflect upon her life and all of the children she'd come to love as her own. There is only one thing missing, though. Expository piece told from Edea's POV.


_Forgive her, for she knows not what she does._

* * *

She swept the dust from the cobblestones, a broom crafted from willow easing the task. Monotonous work, easy to get herself lost in her own thoughts. Now that all was said and done – Ultimecia defeated, Squall and Rinoa reunited – Edea had plenty of time to reflect upon things.

 _It had been a waking sleep,_ she'd told her husband later, not knowing how else to describe it. _I was aware of my actions, my speech, but it was as though I'd been watching someone else. Not myself._

Powerful, but powerless. Cruel but kind. Herself, but then again –

 _Not_ herself. She knew what she'd done, what _Ultimecia_ had done, using her as a shell. A puppet on a string. Yet she knew that it was the path she had to follow; even if it meant her death.

All along she'd thought she was the one, the sorceress who would be defeated by a SeeD. Killed, perhaps rightly so -

[ _it was meant to be, it is not a path I would have chosen for myself but rather, it had been laid out before me_ ]

\- by one she'd watched over, watched him grow until she couldn't anymore, she had to go, she had to leave it all in Cid's hands, trusting he would know when the time was right, to hand over the reins.

Years passed yet time meant nothing, it was a ripple in a pond, a blink of an eye.

Then, one day, years later in Deling City, she felt that faint glimmer of recognition – she did not _see_ the boy with the sniper's rifle that day in but she _felt_ him, knew moments later that he did not have it in him to shoot.

Somehow Edea knew she'd been recognized by someone deep in the crowd, had wondered if that day would be her last; was _this_ the child, now grown, who had come to end the cycle, to stop the madness, to save everyone?

 ** _Fools_**. The word echoed off of the walls of her brain; how many times had she uttered it while Ultimecia clawed at her mind. Edea had taunted them all, tortured them, even her precious Seifer -

[ _forgive me, my child, forgive me; I was not myself – I never meant to hurt you -_ ]

Edea's broom moved faster, swept harder; her head was down, silent, her thoughts now turning to the one who'd perhaps suffered most of all. She thought of Seifer often, wondered if he'd ever take her up on the invitation to visit. Squall had been by with Rinoa, Irvine and Selphie had visited on their way to Esthar, and Quistis and Zell had come to visit on a few separate occasions as well.

The guilt Edea held in her heart was not a thing she wore outwardly; after the Final Sorceress War, after everyone had scattered, she determined to redeem herself not by covering herself with ashes and sackcloth and doing penance, but by _doing_. By living, and by performing good deeds – opening home and heart once again to those in need. She thought somehow that by being a positive force, this would tip the scales, bring balance and harmony into her life again.

Into _their_ lives, hers and Cid's. And it had worked; hearing the laughter of children at play again, even hearing them squabble among themselves, had been balm for Edea's soul. Yet she never forgot about the other children who had come through her life; her children, as surely as if she'd given birth to them herself. How she and Cid had longed for a big family - but one year passed into another, with no babies.

Edea had cried at the realization; that the magic that had been imbued within her had robbed her of the one thing she truly wanted – a child. Then Cid, _blessed_ Cid, reminded Edea that there were plenty of children without parents who needed a good home.

Cid had retired, grew restless and bored despite their efforts to rebuild the orphanage. Once construction was underway, Edea practically _shooed_ him back to Balamb Garden, urging him to take on the role of adjunct SeeD instructor. She missed him when he was away, but she was able to get more accomplished when Cid wasn't puttering about.

It took a bit longer than expected, but the rebuilt orphanage was restored to its former condition, and the doors were opened once again. Children were once again in the Kramer's lives, and Edea's heart was full.

Only one thing was missing; one child, her eldest. Someday he might return, the Sorceress's Knight. One day they would talk, and one day Edea would ask Seifer to forgive her. Even though he'd told Edea the last time he saw her, that he did not blame her, Seifer's eyes told a different story.

He had his own road to travel after all. Edea finished with her sweeping, smiled as she watched the children play, and hoped that one day, the road would lead Seifer home.

* * *

 **Notes:** This works off of some particular headcanons I have for Edea, Cid and the orphanage gang in a post-game timeframe. I've always held that Edea was far more traumatized by Ultimecia's possession than we see in the game, but she holds everything in because that's simply part of her stoic nature. She harbors a great deal of guilt over what Seifer went through, even though Edea can rationalize it in her head and reason that none of them were at fault for what happened - the guilt is still there.

Also, I will refer to the battle with Ultimecia as the Final Sorceress War for clarity's sake, and I've not yet seen anything in canon to indicate otherwise, so I will stay with that term for now.


End file.
